The "f" word is such a bad word. 

You know the one I mean…”fat”. 

What would you say to your daughter if she said that “f” word to you, about herself? 

Yes, Mummas, our tween daughters are going through what we went through as teens much earlier, and it’s much much worse than we ever had it. 

Reassure your daughter that she is healthy and fine, just the way she is. Explain about different body shapes, especially if they compare themselves with their fine-boned, or tall & skinny, friends. Explain about genetics and how they need muscles to exercise

Your daughter is unique and special and there is no one like her in the world. 

We have to keep reassuring our daughters, because they get many MANY more subtle, and not so subtle, messages every day from peers & screens & all around them. These thousands of messages scream at us and chip away at our self worth every single day. We need to challenge our mindsets. Keep giving your daughter the positive message to love herself just the way she is…

And the best way to do that, is to actually role model it yourself. 

What can you do to be a good role model to your daughter? 

Speak positively about yourself and your own body. She is listening, observing & copying. 

Talk about healthy eating & healthy lifestyles, rather than diets. 

Try not to associate depressed moods with the reward of a sweet treat, for example if you or she is upset about something, don’t suggest food as the fix. That mindset will become ingrained and will be triggered as an adult to associate sad feelings with treats. 

Allow yourself to have a sweet treat now and then, to role model not having shame and hiding a sweet. Go and enjoy that ice cream with your daughter. Savour that cupcake she baked you. 

Have healthy schedules & involve her in the menu, the shopping, and the cooking, for her to take ownership of a healthy lifestyle. As a health coach, Sheridan Duff, said to a room full of women last night, it’s about eating healthy for most of the week, because that’s what our bodies deserve, to be filled with nutritious food that makes our bodies function better. And then we can still enjoy our treat at the end of the week. 

Enjoy & savour food. 

Try to keep take-always to a minimum, but not something that is forbidden. 

If you forbid something, they will find a way to do it behind your back, and then it becomes shameful. 

And shame is never a good thing. 

Shame about our weight, or shame about anything, is a heavy weight that we carry around on our back. That huge back-pack makes us stoop lower and not walk tall & proud. 

Shame lingers in the back of your mind, and whispers evil things to you about how you’re not good enough. 

Shame lingers like a stench around us. 

Shame damages the love for ourselves & therefore, damages the love for our loved ones. 

That feeling of shame about herself is going to play over and over in her head her whole life.

I’ll never forget my brother teasing me about my big butt. I let that thought take over my mind, so that I felt like I needed to cover it up and be ashamed & embarrassed of it. I searched for A-line dresses and outfits that would disguise and minimise. I let that self doubt creep all over my body. I look back at photos of myself 30 years ago and think, gee I wish I was that skinny now!!! My body has given birth to 3 children. I am now proud of my curves and feel sexier than I did 30 years ago. Because I allowed myself to feel sexy. 

Sexy is not a number on the scales. I wear figure hugging dresses now because I accept who I am. 

And I not only embrace it, but CELEBRATE it!!! And my daughter observes this empowered Mumma being proud of her body.

Take the time to connect with your daughter having quality time. One-on-one time is even better! The more connected you are, then the more your daughter will want to come to you with her feelings and stories and questions and concerns. She needs you. 

Then you, Mumma, can be the one to keep reassuring her that she IS enough and will always be enough! And that hopefully that little voice will drown out all the other voices that tell her she isn’t enough, that she’s 

not pretty enough, 

not skinny enough,

That somehow she just doesn’t measure up. I gave my daughter a print, a few years ago, to put beside her bed that says “I am enough.” I want her to look at those words every day, read those words every day, and allow it to seep into her subconscious. 

We all “feel fat” on some days. We all want to lose a kilo or two. It’s about our mindset and how we view ourselves. As either worthy or unworthy. Don’t put those stressed feelings about work, kids, partners, families, back on to your body and hate your body. Don’t just continually distract yourself from those valid feelings of being stressed, as it will still be there and keep catching up with you. 

Fixing your body doesn’t fix your life. We need a two pronged approach. We need to work on our mental state which will also work on our physical state. Otherwise we end up in yo-yo cycles of dieting which doesn’t help us either way. Your body is not a problem. It can be the result of problems in our life. Many women are still dealing with childhood beliefs of feeling unworthy and unloveable. 

This is so important Mummas. It may save your baby girl’s life one day. We MUST keep challenging those niggling feelings of self doubt and self loathing that our daughters start to get from society. Our daughters are too precious for these dark thoughts to snatch our daughters from us. 

Let’s not allow the “f” word to define us…you or your daughter. 

Like Rachel Macy Stafford said, “Get off the scale, it cannot measure the depths of your heart.”

Kindness is a much better quality to define us. 

Lots of love,

Julie 💞💞💞💞💞💞